Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Things that rhyme with the Call of Cthulhu

I searched for him so long, waiting for him to come to me. Eventually I got fed up with waiting and I found him on Facebook where I left a message on the wall of cthulhu.

In answer to my message he came to me in my dreams. I found my hand driven by his will and scribbled his address on partchment using my own blood in indecipherable runes, the scrawl of cthulhu. I went to the university library and I asked the chief lilbrarian if he could read these runes and he proceeded to give me the most boring lecture of useless knowledge I've ever had to endure. I'd been unlucky enough to encounter the know-it-all of cthulhu.

Soon, though, I was on my way to the spot the runes indicated, deep in the Pacific. As I neared my quarry, my little ship was sunk by a storm brewed by the dark one's evil magic, the squall of cthulhu. The only way I was going to escape was to swim for it, and I felt him reach into my mind and direct my limbs once more for the crawl of cthulhu.

I woke on an island, and spied a mighty temple, atop of which sat a mighty statue of him, monstrous, immense, hideous in its detail! I made it inside the temple and eventually found myself in a high room and from the roof hung a kind of bulb in a fleshy sac of grey, leathery skin. Suddenly I understood everything, and that's when my mind went a little hazy. The creature squatting on the temple roof was no statue and what was before me was no egg sac or polyp. I was face to bollock with the ball of cthulhu. He was sitting waiting, patient, but for what? Looking above, I sensed movement, and then... a terrible smell! With mind peeling horror I realised that far from a prison, I had found myself in the toilet stall of cthulhu.

How I made my way back to civilisation, I do not know. At night my mind races with the question: why was a granted this insight? I believe that the ancient Gods are trapped here, somehow both our prisoners and our prison keepers. We are just the audience to their antics, in a kind of Great Old Gods Big Brother, with their messanger Nyarlahotep a kind of Davina McCall of Cthulhu...

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